Saturday, March 25, 2006


I know it may be advantageous, but don't people on late night poker look distincvively disturbing wearing black shades to hide their faces. Why hide your poker face behind some dodgy looking shades?

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Lynx effect

Teachers bemoan curse of the 'Lynx effect'

The average 13-year-old lad doesn't realise it yet, but no amount of Lynx deodorant will get attractive women drooling over him. In fact they are more likely to throw open the window, gasping for air. Dozens of teachers have complained to the Times Educational Supplement online staffroom about the menace of the "Lynx effect" - teenage armpits doused in the stuff. Messages indicate that although the Lynx habit often starts in primary school, 13-year-olds are the worst culprits. The potent aroma even drives some staff to open windows when pupils return from PE, because they find it hard to breathe. One teacher commented: "My son is in Year 9, and reeks of the vile stuff. Is Year 9 when they discover girls?" Another in her early 20s wrote: "About a year ago I made my boyfriend stop using Lynx because he smelled like a Year 9. It took a bit of persuading."

Oh dear, I am 25 and I still wear Lynx. Shaming myself.

I wear quite expensive toilet water though.

Writers block

Yes, that's what I have, even though the idea that I am a writer is debatable. I do write things down though, so that counts. Any ideas of what I can write about, I need help. Don't all rush at once with your suggestions.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Lost in Translation

I wish that thoughts could be printed out from the head. So often I have what I think is a decent idea to write about, but it doesn't come out right. It gets lost in translation somewhere between the brain, the fingers and the keyboard.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A post about a dog, Bros and Karl Marx. Not tenuous links, as you may think

For the last 16 years our darling dog, Tweed, has made it be known to me that she does not enjoy me going anywhere near her dinner. Sinister growling ahoy whenever i went near the substance she believes to be food. Those delicious lumps of tripe, yes Tweed, I was so interested in biting into that feast.

Anyway, even when she is not interested in her food (it dawning on her that what lies beneath her nose is perhaps not brilliant, but hey, defend whats yours, primal instinct) she would still a growl and grumble. But alas no more, in her old age she has given up, not bothered anymore. I stood by her food making growling noises in an attempt to tempt her to the food, grrrr and brrrr and one where i sort of stick my tongue out and, well its hard to explain, she just lay there looking, given up, the will for battle gone. After a brief time i looked around and she had walked to the kitchen, looking at me with a half hearted "do we have to keep up this charade?"expression. Well, no, but you started it.

When will I will I be famous?
I can't answer I can't answer that.
When will I see my picture in a blog?
Bros* "When will I be famous?" 1988

When you close your eyes and wish upon a bag of tripe.

*You may laugh at Bros, but I was only 8 when I liked them, and they had educational value. It was they who introduced me to a fella called Karl Marx;"You've read Karl Marx and you've taught yourself to dance" not that he's had any profound effect on me, and I don't think I ever learned to dance.

Guardian: In praise of the 'blogosphere'

In praise of ... the blogosphere

The number of bloggers - people who write online journals - topped 30m this week, according to, the search engine that monitors activity of this kind. This may give an exaggerated idea of the size of the global blogosphere because a lot of people have more than one website and others are inactive. But it does suggest that a milestone may have been passed and that blogging is graduating from being a minority sport to a mainstream activity.

Three factors are likely to ensure a continued surge in popularity. First, it is becoming ever easier to establish a blog, especially for those with broadband internet access. It takes barely two minutes to set one up if you decide on a unique password in advance. Second, the number of things you can do with them is growing fast because of the easy way photos, video clips and audio files can now be uploaded at the click of a mouse. It is possible to send a photo straight from a mobile phone to a blog with a single button press, adding text if necessary. Third, and most important, they are becoming politically and socially important as like-minded people around the world share thoughts and pictures and call decision-makers to task.

The more people join in the more powerful, and empowering, the network will become. Anyone with broadband can publish their own music, films, voice or words as well as being a passive participant. Suddenly the global village has its own continuous conversation.

I am a mere one of 30 million. A very small fish in a very big cyber sea.

Along with "podcast", "blogosphere" (these words always encased in quotation marks to pin their stupidity) is a word that should never be used. Not clever. "Look lots of blogs, like the atmosphere, vast etc, lets call it a blogosphere". Lets fuck off.

I agree with the Guardians sentiments, although the vanity of 30 million people is perhaps a greater point, than blog's social and political uses.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Pat Robertson pissed off

"I don't like Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and saviour, being dunked in a vat of urine by a homosexual"
Pat Robertson

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cricket: India vs. England 2nd Test, gaaa!

England in just a slight bit of trouble, an optimist speaks. 112-5, a lead of 75. A whole day left. Flintoff and Jones have to equal their first innings performances, though with it being a fifth day wicket, it looks an unlikely prospect. A lead of 200 would give the bowlers a chance, a small one. Hopefully Panesar can have a Kumble esque innings, we need him to, no pressure or anything.

And holy shit... Not really a fan of one day cricket, but Australia broke the world record for runs in an innings, by amassing 434. You'd think a world record would be enough to win the game? South Africa thought you were wrong, and very rudely broke the record straight away with 438, with only 1 ball and 1 wicket to spare. I will have to start acquiring an interest in the shorter game. Insane.

BBC Report

Something changed?


Look at this weird shit, an inny or an outy?

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Cricket: India vs. England 2nd Test day 3, England nudging it

All assumptions about the batter friendliness of the pitch seem to have been wide of the mark. We were told before both tests that England could ill afford scores of lower than 450, yet they have not reached those heights of batting prowess. Neither have the hosts. Either the wickets are not as tame as we were led to believe, or the bowlers are doing a sterling job sending men back to the pavilion.

Flintoff did get the big score that he was due, 70. And Jones put on 52, a much needed performance from the always under pressure keeper. England's 300 looked paltry, but India finished on 149-4. A very good performance by England's bowlers, with the wickets evenly distributed.

A result still unlikely, but if England can topple India early tomorrow, you never know.

Slobodan Milosevic found dead

Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic has died in The Hague, radio reports and his lawyer says.

Steven Kay, Mr Milosevic's lawyer, told BBC News 24 that he had been found dead in his cell on Saturday morning.


A certain blogger and newspaper columnist will be most upset.


From station to station
back to Dusseldorf City
Meet Iggy Pop and David Bowie
Trans-Europe Express

"They rarely give interviews, and when they do, they come with strings attached: one magazine which secured an audience with Hütter was informed that he would only discuss his collection of bicycles and that they were not allowed to even mention that he was a
member of Kraftwerk."

From an excellent and amusing article by Alexis Petri dish of the Guardian. Read it here, you will laugh, and the world will laugh at you.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Cricket: India vs. England 2nd Test, This second day of woe

It is raining, what has become of the test match? To paraphrase Rolf Harris on Kate Bush's new album. 87 balls, 37 runs, 1 wicket and lots of rain and gloom, so very little.

Quite inconsiderate of the hosts to put on such bad, and some would say, typical British weather, depriving us of a game. Good really though if you are supporting England, as 200-5 on this wicket ain't too clever. Should be a draw, providing that England can put on another 100 or so.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Cricket: India vs. England 2nd Test, Day 1

Pietersen on his way to 64, and being the scapegoat again

Confusion before the test as to what the wicket would do, Agnew said it would spin, Boycott said no need to play two spinners, rubbish idea. India picked three, England picked one. Matters were complicated by the groundsmen showing off two different wickets, not that I actually know which one they used.

Anyway England are in a precarious situation at 164-4, the consensus being that this is a 400 plus 1st Innings wicket. Over two hours lost to the weather didn’t help England’s batting gain any rhythm, but weather will do what it does. If one more wicket tumbles early tomorrow then England will have their work cut out to get close to 400. Collingwood will have to repeat his 1st test form, and Flintoff is due a big score I reckon.

Geraint Jones will be under pressure to do well with the bat in this innings, as he is already on the receiving end of a lot of big sticks for his wicketkeeping. A decent score would placate the critics somewhat, who think that if he’s not scoring, why is he in the team? I like watching Jones bat, very stylish; it would be good to see him do well tomorrow.

Pietersen hit 64, but will undoubtedly be criticised for his attacking style of play and not getting a bigger score on a decent wicket. This criticism for me is more to do with his brash personality and lack of batting decorum, rather than his performances. A scapegoat for all seasons, leave the formerly skunk hair do one be. The wagging finger of criticism would be better pointed in other player’s directions, namely Andrew Strauss. A player who struggled in Pakistan and is doing so here, yet his poor performances slip under the radar, and as such is immune from criticism.

A first day gallery of the men in whites playing the cricket from Cricinfo

Good day to you.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Don't drink Cider. Ever

Don't do it. How can anyone drink this liquid? It's all very well at first, it even tasted quite nice. I like apples, but not fermented. This cider, Cheddar Valley, 6% strong, two pints and I was well on my way. Three pints of lager later and I had a scorching hammerhead the morning after, and the afternoon after and the evening. Playing football and heading the ball helped no end. I had to fester in goal after ten minutes, useless.

Recalled memories of being 15 years old and drinking the super filthy White Lightning, and falling over the sofa and breaking the video cabinet. And falling through the stair railings. And being sick, missing the toilet and the projectile muck hitting the wall. And the inevitable lecture the morning after. 'Alcohol use it, don't abuse it'. Wise words.

What type of pub only sells cider? It’s madness. Leave Cider drinking to the professionals: farmers, tramps and 15 year olds.

No mas.

"The colour of this unique cider give it a vibrant character all its own for those who want an alternative refreshing drink with a touch of natural sparkle"

Think I'll pass in future.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Cricket: England vs. India 1st Test

On yer bike Tendulker, get out. Monty Panesar's first test wicket, none other than Mr Tendulkar

Third day,an enthralling game, pity I can't watch it. But cricket can be enjoyed in all forms of media, Internet, Audio as well as the visual medium. Plus Sky's cricket coverage is just the pants. Though Atherton is a welcome addition to the natterin' box.

Being a superstitious kind of a fellow, my early morning ritual over the last few days has brought good news. Wake,7:30am, turn on BBC1, bring up teletext, page 350 check the score. Day 1 England 72-1, good start. Day 2, after being 246-7, I look at the live score 391-9, what!? Dreams, the fine line between dreaming and reality, a matter of a few minutes, that altered state of consciousness, but no this be the real deal (I was drunk when I wrote that). Day 3 India 190-7, what!? Ok, things leveled off when I arrived at work each day, but those early morning surprises make me feel I should wake and check at 7:30am tomorrow, but the bottle of wine in my system suggests otherwise. It is a weekend, and I am a lush.

Another hunch, premonition, call it what you will; but I thought Monty's first test wicket would be Tendulkar LBW. Though I had Sachin out on 143, not 16. Just saw Monty's last wicket, and what a ball it was. In my opinion maybe as good as Warne's ball of the century back in '93, it looked as good aesthetically.

As for those who doubt the mobility and athleticism, there has been many a picture of Monty 3 feet and rising off the ground.

Cue pun fun in the tabloids, headlines so obvious there is no need to write them here.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I am rich

According to this Global rich list, I am in the top 10.53% of the worlds most wealthy people.

There are 5,367,673,738 people less well off than me, puts things into perspective. But don't ask me for a loan or anything.

Friday, March 03, 2006

The slow walk to democracy?

Is technology precipitating the eventual arrival of democracy in China? Article in the Guardian a week or so a go (can't find it now) points out that there is growing dissent in China not seen since the 80’s, fuelled by the Internet. Although the authorities are assiduously - shamefully with the help of American search engines - trying to block out dissenting voices, they will continue to get through. Technology cannot be tamed and curtailed indefinitely. It helped play a role in the undermining of the USSR political system and will likely do the same to the Chinese Politburo over time.

Articles such as this give thought to democracy, when, not if. With Chinas economy continuing to grow at a substantial rate, with it likely to be the most powerful country in the world in the 20/30 years time, it would be better for us all if Democracy popped its head through to say, evenin’.

Does increased personal wealth plus burgeoning technology (Internet), which leads to freer dissemination of information (dissent, protest etc) equal the eventuality of democratic process, even if 20 years or more away? Or are there other cultural factors that may negate a desire to change the status quo?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

England Cricket: Me, Nostradamus

England lined up exactly as I predicted, no, suggested they would. Wish I had put money on that, might have won a pound. I think this validates my cricket expertise now.

Oh the Test, England 246-7 at stumps on day one recovered very well on day two, finishing 393 all out, with a maiden century from Collingwood proving what a good player he is turning out to be on the subcontinent. His last three innings there have all reaped 50+ runs. Hard to see how he will be budged from the Test side now.

Panesar qualmed fears about his perceived batting inadequacies by displaying a cautious defense which showed that he can hold up an end in a Hoggardesque fashion, which allowed Collingwood to get the runs at the other, to notch his first test century.

Collingwood having just batted himself into Test permanency?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

George Galloway: The publishing of very offensive cartoons was worse than the attacks of 9/11 and 7/7

Apparently Mr Galloway believes that if he is interviewed in far away places, this time Algeria, no one back home will pick up on the things he says. Unfortunately for him the BBC world service’s tentacles are far reaching:

Halimi: Mr Galloway! Let us deal with the core of the issue immediately. What is your personal position and that of your party towards the events and the demonstrations which have been taking place in the Muslim world against the publication of cartoons depicting the prophet?
Galloway: Personally, I condemn these barbaric and evil acts. Today, the objective of the Western states is to control the oil of the Muslims whatever the price. In fact, the cartoons published in Denmark did not surprise me because the Western states have been waging fierce attacks against Islam for years. These began by humiliation, insults and then occupation. Today they reached the point of ridiculing the prophet. This incident is worse than the 11 September attacks in the US and the 7/7 incidents in London. Therefore, today it is the right of Muslims to express their anger and to defend their right and faith

Credit to Harry’s place, full post here

So freedom of speech, no matter how offensive, is a greater evil than the killing of several thousand people in New York, and the deaths of 50 plus people in London?

And to think I felt just ever so slightly sympathetic towards him when he was in the Big Brother house. What a fool I was, and what a tool he is.

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