Monday, December 26, 2005

Wanna go Helsinki

Quiet around here as of late as I have been in North Finland, avoiding Santa, Finnish food and trying to fall down steep hills on a plastic tray.

I hope you all have a wonderful boxing day fighting whoever you can. I am off for 12 rounds at my local gym with a man who looks like Bobby Davro and Anne Widdecombes love child.

I might post pictures of Finland, as there is no daylight. You appreciate daylight when there is none. You also appreciate real snow when you come back to this country and there is none. You also appreciate not living in London when you land at Heathrow on Christmas Eve and people are as miserable and unfriendly as you expect Londoners to be, even at this festive time.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


So yeah, I fucked up the comments section of this blog, silly me. I came on one day to post and saw a new link to click; "Moderate comments", so being that I like new things, and they excite me, I clicked it and enabled it. I didn't realise that this action of great folly would result in me having to approve comments before I post them, wow power! So all 8 comments left- yes that many- were left hanging in the ether, or more aptly (if I am going to try a religous analogy) pugatory, waiting for me to send them to heaven (My blog) or Hell (Somewhere less interesting, Telford perhaps). So, I have changed it back so you can leave coments without my prior approval, even if they are stupid and of no merit, or of more merit than my posts.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Danny Williams vs. Audley Harrison

"Danny's an underachiever. Whenever the time has come for him to step up and show what he's got he has failed."

"I refuse to lose to a club fighter such as Danny Williams because that's all he is. After my beating Danny, you really should consider hanging up your gloves."

Audley Harrison

The hubris spouted by boxers makes their defeats humorous affairs. I thought Williams would win, based purely on the the inept displays I saw from Harrison when he was ripping off the BBC. Plus Williams for all his flaws, has a a big scalp to his name, Mike Tyson.

Meme apparantly, whatever that means

From Normblog

1. My uncle once: Was in the Royal Navy.

2. Never in my life: Have I tried class A drugs.

3. When I was five: I started at a Catholic school, even though I'm not Catholic.

4. High School is: Probably one of the better times of your life, even though you don't realise this at the time.

5. My parents are: A man and a Woman, one on the Right, one of the Left, me in the centre.

6. I once met: Graham Taylor re-opening our Leisure centre bar.

7. There's this girl I know who: Is Beautiful, Intelligent, funny, a classy dresser, and a lovely person.

8. Once, at a bar: A Female rubbed a plastic Halloween Devil stick between my legs.

9. Last night: I had the odd experience of having a hangover at 10pm, drinking in the day isn't good.

10. Next time I go to church: Will not be for reasons of religous belief.

11. When I turn my head left, I see: A window, with curtains, and a blind pulled down, it's dark outside.

12. When I turn my head right, I see: A phone, a Coke can, a tiny pair of wellies and a shelf.

13. How many days until my birthday?: I don't know I am too stupid to work it out.

14. If I was a character written by Shakespeare I'd be: The fool from King Lear

15. By this time next year: I hope to have a good Job and be happy in general.

16. A better name for me would be: Edmundo, because I like it's sillyness.

17. I have a hard time understanding: Maths

18. If I ever go back to school I: Will try harder at Maths.

19. You know I like you if: I take the piss out of you alot.

20. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Whoever helped me most to win it.

21. Take my advice: Don't piss about at School.

22. My ideal breakfast is: Don't eat it anymore, but I would say Weetos.

23. If you visit my hometown: You will think it is beautiful.

24. Why won't someone: Make life less complicated.

25. If you spend the night at my house: You will be very happy in the Morning.

26. I'd stop my wedding: If i felt the need to ever get married, well maybe.

27. The world could do without: Too much consumerism.

28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Watch Formula 1, It's boring these days.

29. Paper clips are more useful than: Those red tags with plastic and string that hold documents together, they are rubbish.

30. If I do anything well, it is: Think too much.

31. And by the way: Read my blog.

Friday, December 09, 2005

World Cup Draw

England get it easy, or so it seems. Paraguay, Sweden and Trinidad and Tobago. We should (We as in the English) qualify and win the group. It is a far easier looking group than out "Group of death" in 2002, from which we still won the group. Sweden will pose the biggest problem, but it is about time we beat them, it's been a long time, more years than I know.

Only in America...

...could there potentially be a contest between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson for the governorship of California (or Kalifornia, if you're muscular and Austrian). Not likely, but still, only....

Gibson cast as lethal weapon to terminate Schwarzenegger

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Moths go to the Moon please

I was informed at work that Moths are attracted to light because they are attracted to the moon. I’m not sure about the validity of this information, but it poses questions in my mind. What if all the lights in the world were turned off, would they then fly to the Moon? Obviously it’s too far for them. Maybe NASA, with the public good in mind, could put them on a spaceship to the moon. When they get there though, the Moon will no longer be bright, but dull, so then they will have to find something else to fly to, and this could prove expensive to keep flying them off to other bright objects in the sky. Would be a fantastical waste of money though.

I don’t much like moths though; their obsession with lights is infantile, and they are a thoroughly annoying aspect of summer nights, keeping me awake by flying around into windows and walls. Send them to the Moon, be gone.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Is It Ethical to be Ethical? Leo Hickman

Is it OK... to have a Christmas Tree?
Is it OK ... to go skiing?
Is it OK ... to keep a cat?
Should I ... be buried or cremated? Ethical dying
Is it waste trees to print such tripe?

Next week: Is It OK... to do anything at all?

Death to Advertising Surveys

No, no, no. What part of "No" don't you understand?

Monday, December 05, 2005

Words to Hate: "Podcast"

Yeah, what a crock of shit this term is. Along with new fandangled technology comes the inevitable loathsome jargon. It’s just more cack mouthed double speak, no better than much loved management speak, your blue windows cleaning or whatever it is, thinking. I’m sure it’s a word the Oxford Dictionary can live without.

Why not broadcast? It’s not as If you have to download it to your I-Pod in order to listen to it, and I don’t care about the technicalities here, sod ‘em.

What next? Pod song, pod file, pea pod. Pfft. Stop it now, you sad techy twats.

I can listen to audio on the Internet without all this business, and download It onto my I-Pod as well, if I had one. What started as abuse aimed at a word has become abuse aimed at the actual entity Itself, If you can call it an entity.

“Podsafe” It gets worse.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Michael Jackson Computer game

"During each round, as Michael fights off the enemies, he will find some of the children who are held captive. He must touch each of them in order to free them. Some children give Michael special items"

Unfortunate description

"Later in each round, Michael's pet chimpanzee Bubbles will be seen moving about and if he touches Bubbles, he will turn into a powerful robot called Moonwalker."



Friday, December 02, 2005

Happiness is a Cigar called misery

A blank page in front of me, what to write? Happiness writes white, it doesn't show on the page. London Fields by Martin Amis. Mostly true of fiction in general. Novels and their Characters may be happy at junctures. Mostly though, it's misery.

The same with the news. Bad news sells Newspapers, unhappiness sells books. Maybe a generalisation, but I think this is the case, and it's jading my world view. I need to read about positive happenings and outcomes, they do exist.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Jamie Oliver & Turkey Twizzlers

If I owned a Turkey I would call it Twizzler. And if Jamie Oliver ever popped round for dinner that is what he would eat, and if the fat tongued mockney didn't like it, he could go hungry.

Abusing Jamie Oliver aside, the boys done good. And here is the problem; for every 21 Restaurant venture, Jamie’s school dinner’s lark, he has to go and lose any good will I have towards him by doing another moronic Sainbury's advert. Look at the latest one; It informs us that we are nearly always asleep, even when we shop. Is this proven fact? Where do Sainsbury's get off telling us when we are sleeping?

Anyway, Turkey Twizzlers don't look appetising; look at them, they're like some form of demonic tapeworm.

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