Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My new home

Come, join me

Monday, September 04, 2006

Should I stay or should I go?

Thinking of re-starting this blog someplace else. Not sure though? Tried a few others, they wound me up. However it seems my vanity will be better served on these other sites, as no one in the world looks at this blog. Sitemeter makes depressing reading, and I'm not being modest.

Blogger is easier to use, but I don't know what I am doing with all these feedburners etc, it's there but it doesn't help with anything, neither does ping-o-matic etc.

So if anyone reads this can you suggest another software, or should I stick with this?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Pardon me.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Prose to impress the ladies

Spotted this "About me" blurb from a blog. I am jealous, no wonder the females don't like me. If only I could write letters to them like this, the paper scented with my Old Spice aftershave:

my love u feel my by my breath..see through my eyes love me without fear ....without complex...let me sleep between ur arms like feel in ur tranquility....ur longing...u r my jewel ...u r my start and my end..cause i live just for u ...i hatred u ...u far from me...i worship u...u have my heart i miss ur sea eyes and ur heart purity how i can dalliance ur lips ...u r angel...if my love for u price my life i will be ready to pay my life let me feel on pleasure life through ur body swim my tongue across my words tune up hill ur naked enter ur heart through pleasure which we want togather cause u r my saint i look like candel burn to meet ur body ...blow out with ur love colness ...or make it light all world by ur body flam...when i invasion ur body that dont be enough ..cause i want to be inside u ...wear ur body..i want to be ur heart ..ur voice....i want to belong to ur valleys...ur gardens .....ur appetite volcano....u r my breath my flam on ur body .....burn me ....but can u burn ash cause iam ur love ash

Monday, May 22, 2006

Stop that racket man

Some fool is continually whistling in my office. Which annoys me greatly. For starters, it is impossible to discern what it is he be whistling, and further more it does not sound like music and is not befitting an office such as this. Just because he is banned from whistling at home, does not mean he should impose such noise on my eardrums. He has just left the office, and he is ginger to boot. One often finds these people, in general, (as generalisations are a valid), to be in possession of moody temperaments. Why so gingers?

Nothing more to add. I have had a lack of ideas lately. Someone give me something to write about and I will do it a great disservice.

Friday, May 05, 2006


Dennis Taylor. Look at his funny glasess , ha ha!

He isn't my favourite snookerer. I'm not really a fan of men who hang out in dank and dark rooms playing with their balls.

Who is your favourite snookerer?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I laugh at windows

It is funny to see a wasp or some other winged animal try to fly through a window. They think because it is see through, it is not there, even after pointless exertion trying to get through it. But we humans know it is there. It is funny to laugh at lesser life forms, until they sting or bite you and make you go to hospital and cry.

Then who’s laughing.

You won't get in unless you change the laws of matter, you foolish fiend. Away.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Goodbye Lenin

Friday, April 21, 2006

Books read 2005: Pirates! And adventure with Scientists & Clash of the Civilizations by Samuel Hutingdon

23. Pirates! An adventure with Scientists by Gideon Defoe (2004)

Mad little book which follows the adventure of a bunch of useless Pirates, who end up meeting Catholic foe Charles Darwin, it’s all very wacky and there is much hilarity. And it’s substantially shorter than war and peace.

24.Clash of the Civilizations by Samuel Hutingdon (1997)

Very prescient book considering recent events. Hopefully the hypothesis of the book is not correct, wouldn’t be very pleasant if it was. Quite depressing really. Think I didn’t even finish the last chapter. Can’t we all just be friends? Could this review be any less intelligent? Sounds like a care bear wrote it.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Books read 2005: The rise and fall of the Soviet Empire by Raymond Pearson & Rumours of a hurricane by Tim Lott

21.The Rise and Fall of the Soviet Empire by Raymond Pearson (1997)

My favourite book about the USSR. Concise and very engagingly written. Focuses on the big events 56’ 68’ 80’ 91’, never thought about the fact that they were all 12 years apart, well except 91’ but you could say 92’ as that is when the USSR was properly wound up and no mas. No idea what I’m talking about? Ok. Nevermind.

22. Rumours Of A Hurricane by Tim Lott (2003)

A novel set around the Thatcher era, with the lives running parallel to it; Home ownership, greed, upward mobility, unemployment, fun stuff. Basically an indictment of that time as an uncaring selfish society. Very unsentimental ending, I wanted a happy ending. Guess there weren't many during her reign.


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Requisite cat picture blog entry

Aww, lovely stuff.

Monday, April 17, 2006

80's pirate radio tapes and stuff

Here. Listen to Tim Westwood being a polite sounding young man back in 1985, and lots of other stuff only saved because some guy taped the pirates radio stations with those funny things called cassettes.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

George Bush in freefall

Play this strangely theraputic game, such fun (Use the cursor to move him around):

Bush, balls and falling

Friday, April 14, 2006

"Ball of the century" plus more: Shane Warne's magic balls!

Includes the infamous "Ball of the century" and the flared, hair transplanted, text addict making others look foolish; bowling them around the legs and nutmegging one or two them through the legs. You all wish Shane Warne was your roguish uncle. Salute.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The end of national security

Father left a note last week which read;

"Tom, norton security has ended, what do we do?"

Which obviously on first viewing read; "Tom, national security has ended, what do we do?"

Build an underground bunker was my first thought.

Contrast 12/04/05 & 12/04/06

That is me at this time exactly last year, jumping 134 metres (440 feet) off a cable cart with a piece of long rubber attached to my feet. Now exactly one year later I am sitting in an office scanning bits of paper. Brilliant.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Poor Freddie Gage

Monday, April 10, 2006

Dan Brown or a Desert Island?

Nice blazer Argos catalogue man

Whilst walking through my local WHSmiths an advertising board, full of Dan Brown books had the effrontery to announce; “If you haven’t read Dan Brown where have you been?” I was taken aback by the idiocy of this statement, and declined the invitation to buy one get one free, or BOGOF, as it was called during my wretched time in the retail industry.

Beneath this smarmy statement of foolish accusation lay a picture of a man wearing shorts on a raft in the sea, next to what looked like a tropical Island. You see very clever, if you haven’t read these terrible tomes, then you must have been on a desert island, get it. Quite frankly, this particular man is lucky to live in such beautiful climes and to not have to know about such rubbish, that is the Dan ‘Trying to look literary, by wearing a terrible blazer’ Brown industry. The choice is academic.

Anyway where have I been? I have been in a place called taste.

Dan Brown isn’t going to be accepted into the Literary Canon anytime soon, though it would be good to see him fired from one. But seeing how his tentacles are rapidly spreading, he would end up landing on that raft and pester that unassuming Island dweller to read his nincompoop novels, thus our choice is no more, you can have a desert Island, but you have to have Dan Brown.

I am judging a book by its cover here as well. Consensus of valued opinion tells me not to waste my time going past the covers.

I am off to read James Patterson, I have taste as I said before.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Devastatin Dave the turntable slave: Zip zap rap

Comment superfluous. Be superflous in the comments.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Whatever happened to glue sniffing?

I remember it being a big thing in the 80’s, I'm sure there were public safety adverts saying don’t sniff glue, though I don't vividly remember much from the 80's, as I was between the age of 0 and 9. Never really saw the appeal in sniffing the stuff myself. Perhaps because my experience with glue was confined to pritt stick, which I doubt was a sufficient strength to get high from. I used to chew felt tip pens instead, tangy.

Maybe aerosols have replaced glue; I imagine those of us who don’t fancy aerosol addiction can have a watered down taster version, where we just sniff our armpits after spraying them with pungent Lynx, those of us who think it’s sophisticated and not for 14 year olds.

If I sniffed glue, this is the glue I wolud sniff.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Peter Andre & Jordan: Are to class, what I am to maths

They really are moving into the realms of self-parody. Disney world? They could do worse if they wanted to though. How about the bluewater shopping centre, or Madame Tussauds?

What do these two do nowadays to garner such press coverage? As far as I can tell Peter Andre’s lone talent was being able to rhythmically roll his abs to music (the six pack has since developed into a pork barrel) while Jordan is a walking advertisement for Silicone misuse. Not to mention the couples creosote tans. That’s talent.

I have come to believe in the virtuousness, healthiness and good taste of being pale. I am a pale, white Anglo-Saxon, I accept this (except when abroad when my paleness makes me “unique” and peer pressure and societal acceptance forces a feeble endeavour to turn just a bit brown, though I regret succumbing)

Tanning is tacky, and no, you don’t look exotic. Sophisticats.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Alcohol cloud is 463 billion kilometres long, wow!

A big cloud of alcohol lies there, somewhere, can you spot it?
Space, the final frontbeer (All apologies)

PARIS (AFP) - Astronomers say they have spotted a cloud of alcohol in deep space that measures a bastard big 463 billion kilometres (288 billion miles) across, a finding that could keep the world dosed in free alcohol forever.

The vast bridge-shaped cloud of methyl Trampus (Special strength alcohol) has been spotted in a region of our galaxy, the Milky Way, that is called W3(OH), where stars are being formed by the gravitational collapse of concentrations of hops and barley, the discoverers said in a press release.

Methanol, an organic (carbon-based) molecule, is a cousin of ethanol, which is found in alcoholic beverages. Human beings love alcohol. This 463 billion KM long cloud is being toasted by drinkers throughout the land.

The cloud was spotted by astronomers based at Britain's Jodrell Bank Observatory led by Lisa Harvey-Smith. Their work was to be presented on Tuesday at a meeting in Leicester, central England, of the Royal Astronomical Society (RAS), but they got drunk and couldn't find the place.

In 2004, Special strength alcohol, also called methyl trampus, was spotted for the first time in one of the disk-like clusters that form around nascent stars.
That discovery opened up a new area of debate in astrophysics, challenging the conventional view that interstellar chemistry could not provide the conditions for creating complex alcoholic drinks, as they would be ripped apart by ultraviolent vagrants and other tough space cowboys.

Around 130 varieties of strong cider and lager have also been identified so far in outer space, fuelling speculation that these complex molecules may have helped to sow the seeds for life on the fledgling Earth.

The seeds of life sown in white lightning and special brew. What a game life is.

Read the unmolestered text here

Saturday, March 25, 2006


I know it may be advantageous, but don't people on late night poker look distincvively disturbing wearing black shades to hide their faces. Why hide your poker face behind some dodgy looking shades?

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Lynx effect

Teachers bemoan curse of the 'Lynx effect'

The average 13-year-old lad doesn't realise it yet, but no amount of Lynx deodorant will get attractive women drooling over him. In fact they are more likely to throw open the window, gasping for air. Dozens of teachers have complained to the Times Educational Supplement online staffroom about the menace of the "Lynx effect" - teenage armpits doused in the stuff. Messages indicate that although the Lynx habit often starts in primary school, 13-year-olds are the worst culprits. The potent aroma even drives some staff to open windows when pupils return from PE, because they find it hard to breathe. One teacher commented: "My son is in Year 9, and reeks of the vile stuff. Is Year 9 when they discover girls?" Another in her early 20s wrote: "About a year ago I made my boyfriend stop using Lynx because he smelled like a Year 9. It took a bit of persuading."

Oh dear, I am 25 and I still wear Lynx. Shaming myself.

I wear quite expensive toilet water though.

Writers block

Yes, that's what I have, even though the idea that I am a writer is debatable. I do write things down though, so that counts. Any ideas of what I can write about, I need help. Don't all rush at once with your suggestions.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Lost in Translation

I wish that thoughts could be printed out from the head. So often I have what I think is a decent idea to write about, but it doesn't come out right. It gets lost in translation somewhere between the brain, the fingers and the keyboard.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A post about a dog, Bros and Karl Marx. Not tenuous links, as you may think

For the last 16 years our darling dog, Tweed, has made it be known to me that she does not enjoy me going anywhere near her dinner. Sinister growling ahoy whenever i went near the substance she believes to be food. Those delicious lumps of tripe, yes Tweed, I was so interested in biting into that feast.

Anyway, even when she is not interested in her food (it dawning on her that what lies beneath her nose is perhaps not brilliant, but hey, defend whats yours, primal instinct) she would still a growl and grumble. But alas no more, in her old age she has given up, not bothered anymore. I stood by her food making growling noises in an attempt to tempt her to the food, grrrr and brrrr and one where i sort of stick my tongue out and, well its hard to explain, she just lay there looking, given up, the will for battle gone. After a brief time i looked around and she had walked to the kitchen, looking at me with a half hearted "do we have to keep up this charade?"expression. Well, no, but you started it.

When will I will I be famous?
I can't answer I can't answer that.
When will I see my picture in a blog?
Bros* "When will I be famous?" 1988

When you close your eyes and wish upon a bag of tripe.

*You may laugh at Bros, but I was only 8 when I liked them, and they had educational value. It was they who introduced me to a fella called Karl Marx;"You've read Karl Marx and you've taught yourself to dance" not that he's had any profound effect on me, and I don't think I ever learned to dance.

Guardian: In praise of the 'blogosphere'

In praise of ... the blogosphere

The number of bloggers - people who write online journals - topped 30m this week, according to, the search engine that monitors activity of this kind. This may give an exaggerated idea of the size of the global blogosphere because a lot of people have more than one website and others are inactive. But it does suggest that a milestone may have been passed and that blogging is graduating from being a minority sport to a mainstream activity.

Three factors are likely to ensure a continued surge in popularity. First, it is becoming ever easier to establish a blog, especially for those with broadband internet access. It takes barely two minutes to set one up if you decide on a unique password in advance. Second, the number of things you can do with them is growing fast because of the easy way photos, video clips and audio files can now be uploaded at the click of a mouse. It is possible to send a photo straight from a mobile phone to a blog with a single button press, adding text if necessary. Third, and most important, they are becoming politically and socially important as like-minded people around the world share thoughts and pictures and call decision-makers to task.

The more people join in the more powerful, and empowering, the network will become. Anyone with broadband can publish their own music, films, voice or words as well as being a passive participant. Suddenly the global village has its own continuous conversation.

I am a mere one of 30 million. A very small fish in a very big cyber sea.

Along with "podcast", "blogosphere" (these words always encased in quotation marks to pin their stupidity) is a word that should never be used. Not clever. "Look lots of blogs, like the atmosphere, vast etc, lets call it a blogosphere". Lets fuck off.

I agree with the Guardians sentiments, although the vanity of 30 million people is perhaps a greater point, than blog's social and political uses.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Pat Robertson pissed off

"I don't like Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and saviour, being dunked in a vat of urine by a homosexual"
Pat Robertson

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