Thursday, April 06, 2006

Peter Andre & Jordan: Are to class, what I am to maths

They really are moving into the realms of self-parody. Disney world? They could do worse if they wanted to though. How about the bluewater shopping centre, or Madame Tussauds?

What do these two do nowadays to garner such press coverage? As far as I can tell Peter Andre’s lone talent was being able to rhythmically roll his abs to music (the six pack has since developed into a pork barrel) while Jordan is a walking advertisement for Silicone misuse. Not to mention the couples creosote tans. That’s talent.

I have come to believe in the virtuousness, healthiness and good taste of being pale. I am a pale, white Anglo-Saxon, I accept this (except when abroad when my paleness makes me “unique” and peer pressure and societal acceptance forces a feeble endeavour to turn just a bit brown, though I regret succumbing)

Tanning is tacky, and no, you don’t look exotic. Sophisticats.

I think it's quite shrewd of them.
They have established a product and cornered the market.
The 20 something, office receptionist, female voyeur demographic is seemingly large enough and profitable enough for the Andre's and Beckhams of the world to renew wedding vows in public. Or 'accidentally' show everyone their new tattoo at the training ground. Or 'forget' to check for camera phones when snorting a line of cocaine.
Max Clifford would be proud, if he isn't involved already.
and anyway, as far as tans are concerned, in hot countries people try to whiten their skin to display wealth. if they are poor the skin is likely to be darker because of labouring in the sun, etc.

and even in this country, historically women would powder their skin with an arsenic mix to bleach their faces to show their refinement. dropping dead of gradual arsenic poisoning was a small price to pay.

so whiter skin traditionally indicates better social, financial status.

but when travelling abroad became more accessible, people with money went to hot places and came back tanned, which reversed the status of the skin colouring - now people scoff at holiday makers returning with barely a glaze.

and now it's on the turn again with cheap flights and even cheaper fake tan producing gems like peter and jordan.

and instinctively we all know that being orange just isn't right...
disneyworld is shit though, i'll give you that.
Hulk Hogan is very orange and he was my favourite when I was younger, and when I liked to watch men in tiny pants pretend to hurt each other.
They pretend?!
when you say 'younger' do you mean like, a year younger or (fingers crossed) a decade or so younger??
For more opinions on Disney read this

I am not going to Disneyland
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